A Four-Unit Course; Lecturer in Charge- Life.

 

“What will it cost you to help him?” 

“Why can’t you help her?”

“Just help.” 

Definitely words my mum said on repeat to me and my brothers while growing up, accompanied by a look that said, “Nawa for you.”

My dad, on the other hand, always said, “We are here to serve and not to be served.” This was (and I believe still is) our family motto. It took a while for me to accept this, because why would anyone choose serving over being served?

A number of times, I voiced out: I didn’t want to serve anyone; I wanted to be by myself. My dad didn’t have it though, he always tried to make me see reasons why I couldn’t be by myself, and insisted we lent a helping hand anywhere and everywhere. Once, he made us help out with the serving of food at someone’s wedding reception. And yes, we were guests.

As I grew older, our conversations changed shape, maybe because the problem had changed shape. I had finally understood why it was good to be helpful, but what I still didn’t understand, was that I could not fly solo. I had learned to serve, but I thought I was fine by myself.

“Men are gifts.” My mum would say.

“You need people.” My dad would say.

I wanted to understand, trust me, I really did, but I guess this was one of those lessons you needed practicals for; the theory would never be sufficient.

When I left home for the first time, I had a lot of things planned out in my head. I was going to be far away from home, and so I would have to depend on myself and be completely responsible for my actions and inactions. I was prepared to be “all by myself," I was ready.

Fun fact? Life was ready too, to teach me the lesson my parents had been trying to teach me for a while. When I got to school, being “all by myself” didn’t look as attractive or practicable as it had been in my head.

From the very moment I landed at my destination, Life took me through a four-unit course: The Gift of Men 101. I came in contact with people who, upon meeting me for the first time, took me in as family. I met with individuals who went out of their way to make me comfortable. I got home-cooked meals from people who didn’t owe me anything, warm hugs, genuine smiles, and prayers, from people who barely knew me. Questions about my well-being, affirmations, and reassurances from people who didn’t have to be concerned about me. I had been ushered into a completely new environment with open hands and warm hearts.

All of these got me reflecting on how it must have been for them on the giving side of all that help. Because I had been on that end, I knew the sacrifice, sweat, and inconvenience that must have accompanied such actions.

The moments of reflection brought back the words of my parents. They had tried to make me see the importance of serving people, and now here I was, receiving so much warmth and care because some other people had decided to serve too. They had tried to explain that I couldn’t do life myself without the help of others, and here I was, sitting in Life’s big classroom, reading the slides and taking down notes.

For someone who had welcomed the entire idea of independence, I experienced, in an overwhelming measure, what it meant to have people, and I became deeply grateful for the gift of men through the people I met.

To that person out there who thinks he doesn’t need anyone, I’m so sorry to burst your bubble; you do. I guarantee that you’ll need some sort of assistance with those things you think you can do "all by yourself."

To the other person who is ever so reluctant to go out of his way to help others, you might want to turn a new leaf; there is no need to fail Life’s four-unit course. Please do better before Life decides to put people with your mindset on the giving side of help when it’s your turn to be on the receiving end.

Most importantly, to everyone who has played one role or another in consolidating in me this lesson my parents have spent so much time teaching me, I’m immensely thankful!